It’s Getting Out of Control

Listen, I’m a huge advocate of actual index funds, but certain fund families are taking way too much liberty with the word “index” these days. The stock market is now being sliced thinner than a piece of prosciutto.

If you want to own Apple, but don’t feel strongly enough to own the common stock, fear not, for there are 112 ETFs to choose from that hold it. If Jack Bogle were to sift through this list, he would probably die immediately.

Here are some of these ETFs:

Guru Activist Index (lol @ index)

Dynamic Networking Portfolio ETF (?)

S&P 500 VIX Tail Hedge Fund (??????)

Gold Hedged S&P 500 ETF (Okay, this one I actually own)

S&P 500 Downside Hedged Portfolio ETF (On my watch list)

Weak Dollar U.S. Equity Fund ($$)

U.S. Large Cap Optimized Volatility ETF (Why would you not optimize volatility)

Fidelity Dividend ETF For Rising Rates (can’t even)

I mean…